OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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