you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
