I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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