I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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