can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
