My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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