he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So much Jack, so little girl.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
