the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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