Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
