About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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