a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
you never un-have a 4some
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
