i already hear my dad disowning me
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
