I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
