He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I think we might need a safe word for this...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
