I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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