exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
