I puked a lego.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
