Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
