I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
