When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
