i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
