What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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