insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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