what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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