it was like his penis was on wheels.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
