Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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