Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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