Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
