Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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