it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
