You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
