four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
