Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
