So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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