I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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