so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
