You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I could fuck to npr.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
