She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
