Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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