He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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