I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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