you guys were way drunker than both of me
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
