My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
