puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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