Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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