He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
