Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
