Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
