I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Alive.
So much puke
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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