I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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