I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
