Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
