Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
