They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
