So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
