Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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