I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
