their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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