It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
