why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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